Over-identifying and burning out

I’ve noticed a pattern that sometimes happens when I talk to burnt out folks:

Them: I am tired and I don’t know what to do with these work situations. What can I try?

Me: You could try this and that and this.

Them: That sounds exhausting.

Me: Then focus on resting.

Them: But there’s so much to do. I don’t know what to do.

Overwhelmed folks tend towards feeling tired and folks experiencing Ennui tend towards boredom or feeling unmotivated (and Overwhelm and Ennui are not mutually exclusive either!) but the same scenario applies.

There are so many layers and possibilities here, I’ll touch on one: Over-identifying.

Over-identifying with your role or team or company can block you from practising the self-care you need to thrive, and keep you from giving those challenges the energy you want to.

How can I tell you’re over-identifying? Some signals from Overwhelmed folks.

You’re losing sleep thinking about your work, or are stuck in thought loops you can’t put down.
You can’t feel good about your successes, growth etc. because your team or work situation is struggling.

When I challenge Overwhelmed people to practise self-care and rest, some of the beliefs that keep them stuck:

I can’t take a break because it’ll be here when I get back.
If I stop trying now, it will definitely fail (with an unspoken “and I’ll be a failure”).

Folks with Ennui have their own beliefs about self-care:

I’m not tired, why do I need to rest?
Work has always been a source of meaning for me, turning away means I’ll have no chance of satisfaction.

Stepping back is rarely as simple as stopping. New strategies at work can still give you room to find new motivation without taking a break.

It is important to acknowledge that these challenges don’t exist in a vacuum, and working and resting are not a binary—people have family responsibilities, financial commitments, health issues, pain etc. that complicate ideas of self-care and rest. There are also intersectional issues to be sensitive to, e.g. gendered ideas of acceptable self-care and what we are “allowed” to ask for.

I’m sharing these few simple points to highlight opportunities for empathy, for self and others.

If you manage people that are burning out, show gentle empathy and use the tools you have to give them opportunities to rest, while honouring their autonomy.

If this is you: take care. “Wherever you go, there you are.”